I borrowed my wife's Geo Metro last night. One liter of raw power, 3
Cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on thirteen-inch rims. It's stock,
Alright, nothing done to it, but it pushes the barely 2000 pounds of Metro
Around with AUTHORITY. I'm always catching mopeds and 18-wheelers by
surprise...
I was headed back from Baskin Robbins with my manly triple-latte cappuccino
Blast ("No Cinnamon, ma'am, I take it BLACK"), when I stopped at a
Streetlight. As the Metro throbbed its throaty idle around me, I sipped my
Bold beverage and wiped the white froth my stiff upper lip. I was minding my
Own business, but then I heard a rev from the next lane.
I turned, made eye contact, then let my eyes trace over the competition. Ford
Festiva -- a late model, could be trouble. Low profile tires, curb feelers,
And schoolbus-yellow paint. Yep, a hot rod, for sure.
The howl of his motor snapped my reverie, and I looked back into the driver's
Eyes, nodded, then blipped my own throttle. As I tugged on my driving gloves
And slipped on my sunglasses (gotta look cool to be fast, and I am *damn*
Cool, hence...), the night was split with the sound of seven screaming
Cylinders...
Then the light turned... I almost had him out of the hole, my three pounding
Cylinders thrusting me at least a millimeter back into my seat, as smoke
Pouring from my front right tire... my unlimited slip differential was
Letting me down! I saw in the corner of my eyes, a yellow snout gaining, and
I heard the roar of his four cylinders. He slung by me, right front wheel
juddering against the pavement, and he flashed me a smile as his .7 extra
Liters of motor stretched its legs.
I kept my foot gamely in it, though, waiting for the CHECK ENGINE light to
Blink on in the one-gauge (no tachometer here!) instrument panel. I saw a
Glimpse of chrome under his bumper, and knew the ugly truth...
He was running a custom exhaust -- probably a 2-into-1 dual exhaust ... maybe
Even cutouts! Damn his hot-rod soul! The old lady passing us on the crosswalk
Cast a dirty look in our boy-racer direction ... Yet still I persisted, with
My three pumping pistons singing a heady high-pitched song wound fully out.
Though only a few handfuls of seconds had passed, we were nearing the
Crosswalk at the other side of the intersection, and I heard the note of his
Engine change as he made his shift to second, and I saw his grin in his
Rearview mirror fade as he missed the shift! I rocketed by, shifting, and
Nursed the clutch gently in to keep from bogging, keeping my motor spinning
Hot and pulling me ahead, now trailing a cloud of stinking clutch smoke. Not
Ready to give up so easily, he left his foot in it, revving, and I heard one
Wheel *almost* chirp as he finally found second and dropped the clutch. We
Careened over the crosswalk, now going at least 15 miles per hour. A
Bicyclist passed us, but intent on the race as we were, neither of us batted
An eye.
He pulled slowly abreast of me, and neck and neck, we made the shift to
Third, the scream of motors deafening all pedestrians within a five foot
Circle. He nosed ahead as we passed 30 miles an hour, then eased in front of
Me, taunting, as we shifted into fourth. I was staring up the dual 6" chrome
Tips of his exhaust, snarling, my cappuccino forgotten, as he lifted a little
To take the next corner.
I saw my opportunity, and counting on the innate agility of my trusty steed,
I pulled wide into the number two lane and kept my foot buried in carpet.
Slowly, I inched around him, feeling my Metro roll slowly to the left as I
Came abreast in the midst of this gradual sweeping turn. I felt the Geo ease
Onto its suspension stops, and felt the right rear wheel slowly leave the
Ground - no matter, though, because my drive wheels, up front, were pulling
Me through the corner, and around the Festiva ...
The Ford driver beat his wheel in rage as my wife's car eased past him on the
Outside, my P165/54R13's screaming in protest, as we raced to the next light.
We coasted down, neck-and neck, to the red light. I tightened my driving
Gloves, ready for another round, when this WIMP in the next car meekly
Flipped his turn signal and made a right. Chevy (Suzuki) superiority reigns!!!
I drove off sipping my masculine drink, awash in my sheer virility, looking
For other unwitting targets.... Perhaps a Yugo, or maybe even a Volkswagon
Van!
Most people do this every day, but just don't get paid for it.

Sorry I know it is out of context ...Been tough lately thought we could all use a good laugh !!!
MY-92-RS

 

Now that's funny! Good Story, maybe one to tell the kids when they get older!

 

Phenomenal story. I love it.

In all seriousness I rarely has more fun than building a low 13 second metro with a friend and making people cry.

 

dear god i laughed so hard bc i can compare with my girlfriends 91 geo metro lsi

 

I think I'll trade my Camaro for a Metro now, that thing sounds so fast.

 

 

I run a 99 zx2 for a DD, and it's funny because I always get a ton of challengers when i'm driving that car!

 

lmao ... i could just see that old lady giving "the look" to two superb street racing beasts

all i can think of now is...

♫ They deftly maneuver and muscle for rank,
Fuel burning fast on an empty tank,
Reckless and wild they pour thru the turns,
Their prowess is potent and secretly stern.♪

 

Gary donnovan? Is that you lol

 

my unlimited slip differential was
Letting me down! LOL that was funny

 

Sounds familiar, ... ahhh, the shovette days ! Hehehe great story bro

 

OMG not the old Shovette !!!!!